Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Good times, bad times; you know I've had my share

Ridley: Yo Doc, how's it hangin'?

Doktor Abendroth: Hello, Ridley. I hear you've been doing well.

R: Yeah right. Sure, gotten into some crazy shit, but hasn't been all fun and games you know. Not that I don't try, but these assholes are all just so damn serious all the time. Buncha squares.

D.A.: Most people just don't know how to have fun like you do, Ridley.

R: It's like they don't even appreciate what the Boss has done for them. I mean what were they doin' before He showed up? Sittin' on their asses, being boring insignificant pieces of shit. Then they meet a tall dark stranger who is only trying to liven up their existences a little bit, you know, show them a fun time, and they get all pissy and try to kill ya. Ungrateful little cocksuckers.

D.A.: Yes, well...

R: Anyway, I can complain about assholes on the internet all day, but what say we cut to the chase. The part where you bitch me out about meeting with Jonas.

D.A.: Bitte, Ridley. What makes you think that's why I called you here?

R: Doc, c'mon now. It's been almost four years since you bothered to contact anybody from the old team. I wasn't even sure you were still alive until you decided to get all trolly on my blog a couple weeks ago.

D.A.: You're calling me trolly? Arschloch-

R: Now, now, calm your old man tits. I'm just sayin'. You've just been off the radar for a while; now you return all of a sudden. What gives?

D.A.: Unsavory business. You know how it is.

R: Sure sure. What about here though? What was the deal with Crusader.

D.A.: How did you hear about that? Even though I know your answer.

R: My friend and I had a nice little chat before I had to kick his ass last time. Some things came to light.

D.A.: Well then you'll understand it was their fault not mine.

R: I understand that if Glory hadn't happened to be visiting, then that crazy asshole probably would've gotten Leah, which is not a thought I find at all pleasing. S'why I don't spend much time around here, to keep the crazies from showing up.

D.A.: I just don't understand why you're blaming me for this.

R: Ma says you were gonna give her to him.

D.A.: No. What? Never. You don't honestly think I'd do something like that do you?

R: If I recall, you did cut up your sister back in Germany.

D.A.: I only did what Mengele told me to. Not that the verdammt idiot had any fucking clue about anything. If that Schwanzlutscher hadn't gotten in my fickerei weg... I could have killed Hitler, you know. The operation would have gone so much smoother, so much cleaner. Why I didn't take the chance, I'll never know.

R: Yeah yeah, I don't need to hear your Nazi stories again, sorry I brought it up.

D.A.: You're just not seeing the big picture here, Ridley. The Ą̸̭̳̭͔͉̹̣̬͖̋ͨͧ͋̈́͋ͥ́r͚̲̩̤̯̭̻̀͒͐̅͗ͭ̚͜͝c̒͏̺̖hͧ͌̃̈͒̌̂̉͏̷̻̦̱̲̟̟̪ĭ̮ͤ̀̏̑ͥ̐͜͝v̼̤̅̏̊͊̅͘e̗̦͗ͨͫ̕͠, it gave you a taste of things and you managed to do well enough with that.

R: What exactly did I do that was well enough?

D.A.: But you aren't seeing everything. That Oblivion fellow had it all, he just couldn't use it. It devoured his mind. He was rather a fun toy during the war though. If only people weren't so afraid of scientific progress, the things I could've given them to burn the world with.

R: You have got to be fucking kidding me. You knew that Oblivion asshole too?

D.A.: That I 'knew him' is probably not the best way of putting it. I experimented on him many times and learned some interesting things from it. I don't know what they did with him after they decided to have me killed in the Forest. He must've escaped, I guess...

R: ...
D.A.: &$J7865===!jk
R: doesnotwork
D.A.: ?:?6 C@D6 2?5 D6G6? 92G6 A6C:D965
R: V
r: that's right blood
r: has nosovereign
R: Tb gryy Nyvpr.
C/TR: wasn't meant for the girl
D.A.: But I can assure you that the Knights don't know about the Chronos Project. Upstairs has to keep some things secret, right?

R: Vs vg pna xvff zl nff, fher.
R: It just seems a bit like overkill to me, but I guess that's why I'm doing this job.

D.A.: You can do whatever you want, Ridley. I'm just trying to warn you that he's still pissed about what happened. He WILL try to get you killed.

R: Naw, man, he loves me like a son.

D.A.: Ridley, don't be retarded. How many times has he tried to have me killed. Even after I was the only thing keeping the government from finding him. He won't make an exception for you. Especially not after

R: I know, I know. We don't need to go over this shit again, man.

D.A.: Fine. You go ahead then. I take it you're not going to be keeping Jonas' team.

R: Hell no. I can't trust those fuckers. I got Glory coming down. And the twins here, I don't think Legacy'll be needin' 'em anytime soon.

D.A.: Speaking of your little ragtag bunch of assholes, you mentioned something to me earlier about the girl.

R: Madi, yeah. I want you to take her with you.

D.A.: And why am I doing this exactly?

R: Hell if I know. Archy mentioned it in that letter he left with ma.

D.A.: Not that I'm surprised, and I already know the answer, but I saw myself asking you why Alejandro didn't tell me that himself when I met him in Maine.

R: Yeah, well. I don't think he's quite all there right now. To be honest, I don't think he has been since he woke up back in April. He was working hard at keeping up the illusion that he was in control, but somewhere along the line he lost that too. I don't even think half the shit he wrote about actually happened, or at least I don't remember a lot of it. But that could be attributed to a lot of things, so who's to say what's real and what wasn't.

D.A.: Ridley, just exactly how much did the Book show you?

R: It's all up here, Doc.

¿: i see you

D.A.: I'll take the girl I suppose. Of course, I saw myself agreeing to it anyway. Hurensohn.

R: What is that like Doc?

D.A.: What?

R: You always know everything that's going to happen and you just have to go along with what you see. How does that work exactly?

D.A.: You'll know eventually.

R: Does that mean you're gonna tell me, or that I'm gonna end up as a creepy old German dude?

D.A.: You'll know when you find out.

R: Gee, thanks. That's not bullshit at all, that really fucking told me what I wanted to know, you're great Doc.

D.A.: Laugh now, Ridley. Actually, don't stop laughing. It should serve you well I think. Guten nacht, Ridley.

You're an ass, you know that. What'd you do with my memory of that section in the middle, Doc? Stuff it under your bed with all the empty beer bottles and dead Mexican house cleaners? I'll bet you didn't think I'd catch the guy speaking in yellow text either. Joke's on you, 'cause there it is bitch. I sees it. 

And don't you worry none about Jonas. I got plans and shit.

Oh, the Knights know about Project Chronos now, too. Nyah.

Stay frosty.


  1. My friend You and your Doc didn't type that up it was edited in without your knowledge my friend.

  2. Your mom was edited in without your knowledge.


  3. Actually, I'd say he should've been edited out without his knowledge. (insert his mother should have swallowed instead joke)