Your death black wings; Unfolding sleep

Madi, stop having a bitch fit. Doc's an old perv, yes, but he's an old perv with hon... he's got manne- well, he would never-

Fine. You're right, trying not to get raped is part of your training. Have fun. But c'mon, he's almost a hundred years old, you can take him. You stabbed that cult asshole, spilled that fucker's guts. I believe in yyyyoooouuuuu!!

Yeah, whatever.

So as some of my readers may have gathered, we once more have stuff happening. Sweet! you say, and damn right for it. Madi shall be taking a little vacation. Well, that's not really right. Iscariot wants her to train with Doktor Abendroth, the crazy old German asshole who posted on my blog way back sometime. He's really a good guy, I've known him for years. He and Archy fought each other back during the war... Possibly even the one in Germany and maybe actually in 1941, but with all the weird time-fuckery both of them get into, it's hard to say for sure. He was doing some work for my old boss, Mr. Jonas, when I met him.

Ah, Mr. Jonas, yes. That's why I'm here. What can I tell you all about him? Not much, really. He does... things. Illegal things, that much you can be sure of, and he is a very wanted man in several states. Including Canada. Or at least he was at one time. That was the work that Doc was doing for him, getting the fuzz off his ass. That sounded very wrong. Doc, like I said, fucks around with time a lot, he did some shit, Jonas became sort of a nonperson. Oh he had an identity, a nice dude who as far as anyone knew was not involved in any activities which would be frowned upon by the law, but the criminal lord Jonas wasn't nobody that ever existed. Or something like that. You get the idea.

Shit didn't turn out quite right though. Mr. Jonas had a bit of an accident. That's why he has spent the last five years here in a hospital hooked up to machines. I won't go into detail about that, other than to say that... uh, stuff happened and shit. Slenders was involved... I think. I recall meeting our tall friend around this time anyway. Jonas denies that there ever was a Tall Man, but he's a near-braindead cripple, who cares what he thinks?

After that, I joined the Slender crew. I could tell you more, but I'm not really feeling it at the moment. Maybe later.

I'm now back here where I am, and my old employer wants me to do him a solid. 'Cause I'm the best there is at what I do and what I do isn't wait I think I stole that from somebody, oh well, I probably killed 'em for the right to use it anyway. The point is I'm damn good. Konaa, you can just shut the fuck up laughing at me in your fucking grave. I could've gotten you, bitch. Rhodes is a whore. I'm getting off topic. The point is I'm FUCKING awesome. I do good work. I'm not going to tell you what work I'm doing, I'm just going to leave short sporadic updates on here to make you guess as to what's going on, so that you will pull out your hair trying to theorize what it is that I'm up to.

No, but serious like. I still got Hansel & Gretel up here with me, and soon my old homeboys from Massachusetts are gonna be comin' up to do stuff. I kind of forgot them after I was mysteriously moved from Maine to Indy, so I'm sure they're bored, they obviously haven't been doing jack shit since I left them. Bums. Come to think of it, I should probably look into how I ended up in Indy. That wasn't really explained was it?
Fuck it, it was like five months ago, does anybody even really care anymore?

we care very much ridley. don't leave us yet, dear boy.

So I gots my new team be gettin' together soon and shit, and then we're gonna go do some stuff. I'll keep you all posted. Don't worry, I promise not to be all cryptical bullshitty like I implied I would be. I love you guys, I wouldn't do that to you.

Also, Robert is a giant hot dog. I say we grill him up and eat him.

Stay frosty.

Hell and fire was spawned to be released

Oblivion, you bastard, who told you could jack around on my account while I was gone? But I suppose it can't be helped, my fans were no doubt starting to get a bit crazy from being without word of me for so long. I apologize, my peeps, I promise y'all it won't happen again.

So, I guess everybody knows about what went down in Indiana. Our little adventure at this collector-dude's place ending with me and Madi making a desperate escape through a door to an eldritch location. First time I've actually been in the Empty City myself, but lemme tell ya, it's really a rather nice place. I mean, maybe not for all the assholes that get stuck wandering around inside forever, but hey, they're probably the same dumbfucks that refuse to submit to Master, so what does their opinion matter anyway?

Perhaps I did get lost inside for a few days, but dammit, the City' big and difficult to navigate! Made it out before Oblivion hijacked the blog actually, but I haven't been able to get to a computer until now. Why is that, you may ask? Because we're now in  fucking Wyoming. That's right, the most sparsely populated of all the fifty states. There were more people in Indianapolis than there are in this whole damn state. But it's not just bad luck that brought me here. No, Master has a new job for me. A classic stalking position involving driving one of you out of your mind by use of whatever means I feel necessary. It's a sweet gig. I get to do whatever I want, just so long as I don't kill her.

A pretty little thing by the name of Miriam Shawe. Miss Shawe lives with her parents in a nice little house on the outskirts of the bustling a bustling metropolis that is home to somewhere in the neighborhood of 5000 people. She is 16 years old, attends the local high school, and, as far as I can tell, doesn't really have too many friends. Mostly I've just seen her sittin' on her ass and doin' shit on the internets, which let me tell ya isn't terribly interesting. 'Course, I can't imagine there's much else to do in a town this small besides get high or fuck in an alley, both of which are deviant activities and probably unhealthy, so it's not like one can blame her.

See, Uncle Ridley does his homework. We know she's seen the Master a couple times, but she refuses to acknowledge Him. I'm here to teach her the folly of ignoring your problems and hoping they just go away. Because we all know doing that only makes your problems worse. Then again, I suppose they were only going to get worse regardless.

Now I know what y'all're thinking. This girl sounds boring as hell and besides that, I'm in Wyoming. How can anything interesting possibly come of this? Well never fear my chillins because I have plans. Mostly involving that irritating little time-paradox girl that I've been forced to drag along with me these past couple weeks. She's been coming around to our way of thinking, we got her to kill one of those Crusader assholes and steal from that old magick collector. That's all well and good, but if she's gonna continue hanging around with my peoples, then we're gonna have to do better than that. And we shall do better.

On an unrelated note, I've noticed that Archy remains ever silent. Upon attempting to phone the Ark, I was informed that the number I had dialed was no longer in service blah blah blah. I haven't noticed him around the blogosphere in about a month now and the Master doesn't seem to be in the mood to tell me of anything going on. Therefore, I have deemed it acceptable that I make this MY account now. For reals like. At least until Archy does turn up and tell me otherwise. So hey, it says my name at the bottom of the post now. Ain't that fancy?

Stay frosty my chillins! Uncle Ridley loves you all.