I found my friends; they're in my head

So I'm sure y'all have seen my last post already. If you haven't, shame on you for not keeping up with my blog! As if anything in your own life could possibly be more interesting than what's going on in mine! I mean that's why blogging was invented in the first place, so that all you dull, uninteresting people can read about those of us with better lives. So quit jerking off to reality TV and read about some real reality. Real reality, heh.

I digress. So I'm sure y'all have seen my last post already. I think I kinda went a little batshit fucking crazy. Because Madi not only shot a police officer, she SHOT A POLICE OFFICER WHILE STANDING IN FULL VIEW OF ABOUT A HALF-DOZEN OTHER POLICE OFFICERS. Did I make that clear enough? Oh, but wait. I didn't get to the best part yet. She also GOT PHOTOGRAPHED BY THE FUCKING NEWSPAPER. That's right, now everyone in town can know what the cop-murdering bitch looks like. And of course there was that other gruesome scene only a few days ago. What was that again? Something about some teenager being ripped open and dumped on some other teenager's front step? Eh, it'll come to me eventually.

Anyway yeah, they're connecting her to that as well. Which I guess isn't technically incorrect. She is connected to it. But I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma about the whole thing. I mean I'm not really comfortable letting someone else take the credit for my work. Then again, I'm not really comfortable with the idea of prison and uninvited man-sex, either. I'm havin' a real problem with this whole thing, homies.

Then there's the fact that she claims she doesn't remember doing it at all. According to her, she fell asleep back in the hotel while I was on stake-out duty and woke up outside, well I'll get to that. I'm actually kind of inclined to believe her. Besides the obvious fact that even I'm not that fucking retarded, there's the fact that she just disappeared right in front of them. Uh, sorry, did I forget to mention that too? Yeah, someone shot back at her and she ran off with a couple cops in pursuit. They wind up in an alley, Madi runs through a door, which she closes behind her; the police come right up, open the door and find- a vast empty warehouse. All huge and open, echo-y and shit, so nowhere she could of hidden herself. She was just gone.

Of course when I became aware of the situation (which was about right when it happened... 'cause like I said, I was on stake-out duty) I went off after her, careful to remain hidden using my mysterious methods for remaining unseen by muggles. About an hour later I found her asleep a little ways outside town, next to some old barn. She claims she only remembers being at the hotel and then me waking her up next a barn outside of town. It sounds to me like the Empty City, but she couldn't have used it on her own. She's not technically a servant of TallDarkSlender, so by all rights the City should just eat her if she was by herself. Which would imply that one of the other entities was involved. How about that 'OBLIVION' fella, he seems to be able to do some wicked shit. I'm awfully suspicious of the fucker.

And now I'm stuck trying to figure out how to fix this. Let the good times roll.

Oh hey, y'all see Entry #49? Fuck yeah! Kralie might look like a real pussy, but I always knew he was a total badass! Blood and brains being beaten out, that's what I like to see. And he always threw the best damn parties, too. Shame he hasn't been around lately. Probably off getting drunk at the Ark, the lucky bastard.

Stay frosty, y'all.

EDIT: My my, how absent minded of me, I almost forgot about this little number that was left in the comments:

"So, how are you doing Mr. Chapman? Taking care of yourself, I hope? I thought I'd stop by for a visit. You're always extending an invitation for people to come see you, after all. We really must catch up, mustn't we?"

From our Crusader friend. How lovely. Bet you think you're real cute, don't you? I don't even wanna know how you found out that name. I can think of a few ways you could've done it, and most of them mean Imma have to kill you.

Okay, you caught me, I was gonna kill you anyway, but now I might have to stretch it out so I can enjoy it longer. If you really are in town, you'd better keep extra frosty asshole.

Awwwww man!

So, as some peoples may have seen, Konie-dawg was here in Maine. Of course, I couldn't just let such an opportunity slip by unnoticed, I simply HAD to go and say hi to my old buddy. But y'know, he was stayin' with Fifi and I don't think Archy would be happy with me just going over there and startin' shit. Plus, y'know, I still haven't gotten the Princess a present, and it would be rude to go start shit in her house without even giving a gift first. So I hads to wait. Which, y'know, sucked.

But oh happy day, it seems Konie-dawg ain't nearly so thickheaded as I thought, y'all know he wanted to find the Ark, well he actually managed to do it too. If only Jayjay were so lucky, but that nut with the trippy Youtube channel simply won't give the poor guy a break. Sad really. Anyways, there I am, chillin' with my homies, when suddenly here comes Konie-dawg and the Princess.

Clearly, thought I, ol' Tall Dark and Slender must've delivered me this moment Himself. Who would I be to waste such a gift? An ungrateful servant, that's who, and I was not about to be any such thing. They're comin' over and I call out to them all like, "Hey Konaa, how's it hangin' dawg?" Well that little bitch looks at me and he just looks pissed as hell, like he's not even glad to see his old pal Ridley. I was very hurt, let me tell you.

So then I'm just like "Yo dawg, what's got itself stuck up yo ass? It's been a while y'know, ain't you gonna say hey to your oldest and dearest friend?" He gets real mean at this point and says I am in fact NOT his oldest and dearest friend. Right through the heart, that one was. So then I'm all like "Bro, how can you say that? Don't you remember when I saved your life in Mexico? Or was that Germany? What about that time we snuck up on George W. and pantsed him? Surely you haven't forgotten that? How we all laughed over coffee in the Oval Office afterwards while you posted pics of his ass to the interweb? C'mon bro, don't do this to me!"

Well, at that point it became quite clear that my old buddy simply was not going to remember, so I thought I'd do him a solid and beat some sense back into him. I seemed to recall needing to pay him back for a dislocated shoulder he gave me in Boston. Y'all remember that, when I beat the living shit out of him and he turned and ran like a little pussy to hide in some warehouse. Followed by the total dick move of shoving a crate down on top of me. Remember? Course y'all do. I know I do. But anyhow, I walk over to 'em and I lay it down for Kones: I'm gonna pound the hell out of him, he's gonna take it, with a smile on his face. So maybe I might possibly scare the Princess, but that nothing I can't have Archy deal with later, right? Of course, let's kick some ass!

Well there I was, all set to get started on my gruesome task, when who should happen to appear but the 'ol Blackety White King Hisself, dressed for business as per usual. And I'm all like "Hey Master, be wit' you in jus' one mo', I gotta rough this fuck up first." But apparently He didn't like that idea. Because I start hearin' Him inside my head then. And He's all like "Ridley! Stop it! You're a dumbass! Your life is worthless and I shall soon devour your mortal soul! Burn! Burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn anddieandburnanddieandubrnandieburnandand
burnanduburnanbudieandburnandburnandburnanddieandburnanddieandburnanddieandburnanddieburnanddie
burnanddieburnandieandburnanddieandburnanddieandburnanddieandburnanddieandburnanddieandandandand
and over and over and over and forever im sorry master iwont never do it again i swear please dont hurt me agina masert i love you master i love doing your work i wont hurt the fools no more i swear master please no more master no more dont burn me dont throw me into the fiery abyss of flames and agony dont lock me in the closet again again master ill be a good boy and buy more peanut butter the next time i clena out the pnarty

And I swear, this went on for days, but in fact it was only like ten seconds and I looked up and the Master is staring into my soul, y'know like He does. And my boys are there, just rolling with laughter. I shot Kratz in the head and the rest of them shut up. Well, I looked back and there was the Master, still lookin' at me, and I could see He wasn't much happy 'bout the situation, as it were, and He reaches out one of His long arms and grabs me by the face and everything goes black and well, I don't know what the hell happened. I just woke up back in my room and naturally the first thing I did was to log on here and write all that out. Or maybe not. Oooh, mysterious, isn't it?

But dammit, Master, he was right there! I wasn't gonna hurt him. All that much. I was at least gonna let him get away so's I could come after him again, at least one more time. Cause three, y'know, three's a good number. Man, I swear and now Konie's on a train back to Boston and I'm stuck here until I don't fucking know. They're taking away my freedom peeps! Treating me like I'm their  dog or something and they can just tell me what to do!

Well, technically I guess they can. I'm sorry Master, please forgive my insubordination. And don't send me back to the Dark Place, please Master, please don't do it. I'll pay for the honeymoon once you and the Princess actually get hitched! Or y'know, at least point out a decent spot for ya or something.

Eh, whatever. Now I have to find something to amuse myself with. Hmm, The Master and His Princess... hmmm... TO THE FANFIC PAGES!!!!!!1111!!!1!1!!!!111

Later y'all. Stay frosty.