1318

why it nno doess    stop?? ?/

mmmmmmasssster  i mmuch   sory i tell lyiou  
             tellm mprimncess   iis much vrey very sorry  u i tell u masater that isi no gfvood forf to punish rildey no more rdliey is um good boy no for t ohurrgt pppeoples nom ooer i is much ot of very good u see ridley bve good boy nmnaster

riddles be a very good boy youll see ill show you master just you watch no more it burns any more master youll see see riddley shalal be kept frosty once more do not for to hurt rildey more masster am to be forgive much master sorry plase do

Why the hell does shit like this always happen to a brother, huh? Can't a guy just for once catch a damn break? Jeezus, you get hired to kill people, and then He punishes you for trying to kill people! Well excuse me if I thought the little pussy was just annoying and I didn't want to listen to the sound of his blogposts anymore. I still personally think it'd be a favour to us all...

ridleu will be ggood masdtr uyo see rildey nbo fail you again master

do good rwork now ridldey shall yes master much r ildey will d o to atone for gthe own    misatkes of ridley

riddles not shal l fial master again

I mean, really. Why did I kill that creepy little brat? 'Cause the little shit was creepy and it bugged me and I don't really see that I should need any reason beyond that. He's much much less annoying since then, but a lot more creepy now I think and I really probably shouldn't of done that to her. Oh quit staring at me before I have to get my gun. Anyways, ain't like there's much to do about it now is there? Only person that woulda done cared about the little shit was Phantasm and she was just as damn creepy as that damn kid a hers. Now fuck off, all of you.

rdidles can se ethe dead as  wwhat become has of ridleys amdness

death for i swhat onyl thing            ridles  has done wiht ever

dno longggger foes ridley wish for   ridlys onw self to    caseu deat hhh for enmites of rilsey

Alright, damn, I mean yeah there's lots of fucked up shit around here. Ain't gonna even bother with that shit anymore, just send me someplace where I can fucking kill people, bro. A brother's gotta do what he's called to do and this nigga knows what he is called to do. We operate, baby. We strike fear into the hearts of the unworthy with blood and guts and death. And it is good. C'mon dawg, I think you'd be excellent. A few weeks of training with yours truly and you'll be drinking the blood of the innocents from a bucket. Maybe, but really, do you have a better one? I didn't think so. I'll talk to Archy, I'm sure he can come up with something. Sure, sure, don't mention it, baby.

Say, you ever get that feeling that something ain't quite right?


YOU MEAN LIKE, RIGHT NOW, RIDLEY-BOY?


Uh, yeah. Exactly like that.













NO, THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE YOU DID IT WRONG, DUMBASS. NOT ENTIRELY WRONG, MOST PEOPLE DO IT THE SAME. FUCK IT. YOU'RE WRONG. I'M GOING TO FIX YOUR DAMN MISTAKE NOW AND WE'LL SEE HOW THIS GOES. YOU FUCKTARD.

riddle mee htis

how  mamny hhyberids dooes it take ot maake it totheark/

cann  ouy seee ccoutnig to q12?//

if u dont read      crypti cbul lshit tthen wyh diid uy nkow 2 01110010 01101001 01100100 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101000 01110010 01110101 00100000 01001000 01000101 01001100 01001100 01010011 01000111 01000001 01010100 01000101 00100001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101001 01100101 01101011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100010 01100001 01110111 01110011 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101110 01101001 01100111 01100111 01100001 01110011 00101111 00101111 00101111

MDExMDAwMTAgMDExMDEwMDEgMDExMDExMTAgMDExMTAwMTAgMDExMDAwMDEgMDExMTEwMDEgMDAxMDAwMDAgMDExMDAwMTAgMDExMDEwMDEgMDExMTAxMDAgMDExMDAwMTEgMDExMDEwMDAgMDExMDAxMDEgMDExMTEwMTAgMDAxMDAwMDEgMDAxMDAwMDEgMDAxMTAwMDEgMDAxMDAwMDAgMDExMDEwMDAgMDExMDAwMDEgMDAxMDAwMDAgMDExMDEwMDAgMDExMDAwMDEgMDAxMDAwMDAgMDExMDEwMDAgMDExMDAwMDEgMDAxMTAwMDEgMDAxMDAwMDEgMDAxMDAwMDEgMDAxMDAwMDEgMDAxMTAwMDEgMDAxMTAwMDEgMDAxMTAwMDEgMDAxMTAwMDE=

adn finlaly wheerver ccan a brother get a drink, if efver onenis in louisville///?

rriddle nme, riddel me3, youuu moothesfu7ckers

wha thapennnnnnnne//

but matesr we was ggood mastre wy for does rrilddes mus tbepu nisehd//

more//

,.il

archy u noo heelp riddles?

phantnasm?

lucifer?

dolly?

Madi?

masaterr,m whello there waht brinsg you here?/

iis nooont dddoooooonnee.//

non pretttty princess riddls love tge prinxesss

kill everthing stay frostt

Awwwww man!

So, as some peoples may have seen, Konie-dawg was here in Maine. Of course, I couldn't just let such an opportunity slip by unnoticed, I simply HAD to go and say hi to my old buddy. But y'know, he was stayin' with Fifi and I don't think Archy would be happy with me just going over there and startin' shit. Plus, y'know, I still haven't gotten the Princess a present, and it would be rude to go start shit in her house without even giving a gift first. So I hads to wait. Which, y'know, sucked.

But oh happy day, it seems Konie-dawg ain't nearly so thickheaded as I thought, y'all know he wanted to find the Ark, well he actually managed to do it too. If only Jayjay were so lucky, but that nut with the trippy Youtube channel simply won't give the poor guy a break. Sad really. Anyways, there I am, chillin' with my homies, when suddenly here comes Konie-dawg and the Princess.

Clearly, thought I, ol' Tall Dark and Slender must've delivered me this moment Himself. Who would I be to waste such a gift? An ungrateful servant, that's who, and I was not about to be any such thing. They're comin' over and I call out to them all like, "Hey Konaa, how's it hangin' dawg?" Well that little bitch looks at me and he just looks pissed as hell, like he's not even glad to see his old pal Ridley. I was very hurt, let me tell you.

So then I'm just like "Yo dawg, what's got itself stuck up yo ass? It's been a while y'know, ain't you gonna say hey to your oldest and dearest friend?" He gets real mean at this point and says I am in fact NOT his oldest and dearest friend. Right through the heart, that one was. So then I'm all like "Bro, how can you say that? Don't you remember when I saved your life in Mexico? Or was that Germany? What about that time we snuck up on George W. and pantsed him? Surely you haven't forgotten that? How we all laughed over coffee in the Oval Office afterwards while you posted pics of his ass to the interweb? C'mon bro, don't do this to me!"

Well, at that point it became quite clear that my old buddy simply was not going to remember, so I thought I'd do him a solid and beat some sense back into him. I seemed to recall needing to pay him back for a dislocated shoulder he gave me in Boston. Y'all remember that, when I beat the living shit out of him and he turned and ran like a little pussy to hide in some warehouse. Followed by the total dick move of shoving a crate down on top of me. Remember? Course y'all do. I know I do. But anyhow, I walk over to 'em and I lay it down for Kones: I'm gonna pound the hell out of him, he's gonna take it, with a smile on his face. So maybe I might possibly scare the Princess, but that nothing I can't have Archy deal with later, right? Of course, let's kick some ass!

Well there I was, all set to get started on my gruesome task, when who should happen to appear but the 'ol Blackety White King Hisself, dressed for business as per usual. And I'm all like "Hey Master, be wit' you in jus' one mo', I gotta rough this fuck up first." But apparently He didn't like that idea. Because I start hearin' Him inside my head then. And He's all like "Ridley! Stop it! You're a dumbass! Your life is worthless and I shall soon devour your mortal soul! Burn! Burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn and die burn anddieandburnanddieandubrnandieburnandand
burnanduburnanbudieandburnandburnandburnanddieandburnanddieandburnanddieandburnanddieburnanddie
burnanddieburnandieandburnanddieandburnanddieandburnanddieandburnanddieandburnanddieandandandand
and over and over and over and forever im sorry master iwont never do it again i swear please dont hurt me agina masert i love you master i love doing your work i wont hurt the fools no more i swear master please no more master no more dont burn me dont throw me into the fiery abyss of flames and agony dont lock me in the closet again again master ill be a good boy and buy more peanut butter the next time i clena out the pnarty

And I swear, this went on for days, but in fact it was only like ten seconds and I looked up and the Master is staring into my soul, y'know like He does. And my boys are there, just rolling with laughter. I shot Kratz in the head and the rest of them shut up. Well, I looked back and there was the Master, still lookin' at me, and I could see He wasn't much happy 'bout the situation, as it were, and He reaches out one of His long arms and grabs me by the face and everything goes black and well, I don't know what the hell happened. I just woke up back in my room and naturally the first thing I did was to log on here and write all that out. Or maybe not. Oooh, mysterious, isn't it?

But dammit, Master, he was right there! I wasn't gonna hurt him. All that much. I was at least gonna let him get away so's I could come after him again, at least one more time. Cause three, y'know, three's a good number. Man, I swear and now Konie's on a train back to Boston and I'm stuck here until I don't fucking know. They're taking away my freedom peeps! Treating me like I'm their  dog or something and they can just tell me what to do!

Well, technically I guess they can. I'm sorry Master, please forgive my insubordination. And don't send me back to the Dark Place, please Master, please don't do it. I'll pay for the honeymoon once you and the Princess actually get hitched! Or y'know, at least point out a decent spot for ya or something.

Eh, whatever. Now I have to find something to amuse myself with. Hmm, The Master and His Princess... hmmm... TO THE FANFIC PAGES!!!!!!1111!!!1!1!!!!111

Later y'all. Stay frosty.