Sunday, November 6, 2011

Told you I'm awake. Swallowing you.

Hahaha. Finally making some goddamn progress here.

I found Cadence. Creepy little fuck though he is, it's nice to have a familiar face around. The Boss tends to have a bit of a problem in that department. Whatever, it's all chill. The two of us managed to track down that fuck in the red suit and blow his fucking head off. I guess I now know where the blood splatters I saw in the corner office earlier were from. It's nice when this time bullshit syncs up someway that I have an actual clue as to what the fuck is going on.

It'd be wonderful if everything could turn out so that I had some idea what the fuck was going on. Like that bullshit with Legacy earlier. Though to be be honest, I just think he's off his rocker. It was bound to happen eventually.

Cadence and I did run into Sullivan at one point during our travels. The damn traitor remains as slippery as ever, though one of us did manage to hit him. Followed that blood trail around for a little while before it ended twenty feet straight up the side of a wall and, being that neither of us are Spider-Man, we were unable to continue.

One thing that's nice about having the little freak here with me is that now one of us can sleep while the other stands guard. And by that I of course mean I sleep while he stands guard. No more getting dragged off by angels for this nigga, no sir. My leg still ain't healed up from my little adventure up in the tower. I don't think they're very happy about that. At least I only ran into one of 'em last time; it was a simple matter to just jump the fucker and carve his wings off. Burnt my hands up something fierce, but nevertheless...

Shit... four days in this place... at least that's what the computer says. I don't really trust it though since earlier it said the year was 1902. But hey, the Scott Joplin tunes in the background were loads better than the shit that I normally have to hear. It's difficult to get to sleep when somewhere, somewhen you can hear the sounds of someone being murdered. Possibly by me.

I can't believe I'd be so inconsiderate of myself.

Anyway, I'm hoping we can find the girls if they're still alive and/or make it to the lobby so we can finally get the hell out of this place. I don't really give one shit about the Book anymore, it can stay in this fucking place til the end of time for all I care. Good riddance to the fucking thing.

Stay frosty.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

I've seen a rich man beg, I've seen a good man sin

'goddammit shit shit shit fuck hes here again how the fuck is that faceless fucker following me through here fuck hell damn no goddammit nononononononono---'



Hehehe...

Stay frosty you sons of bitches. We're comin' for ya.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

I used to love her, but I had to kill her

Dammit.

I've passed through that same room three more times now. And of course it looks different each time. First there was a trail of blood going through it, which I decided I may as well try to follow, because let's face it, what else am I going to do. That led me into a restroom, where the trail stopped at a fucking drain in the middle of the goddamn room. Wonderful. So I walk out, and I'm not in the hallway that I had just entered through, oh no, I now found myself back up in that half-finished area on the top floor. That annoying ass squawking started up again, so I hauled my ass the hell outta that place before... well most likely I would've just become very irritated, but that'd be all I fucking need right now.

So I go down the stairs, I'm walking down and going up for a little while, finally coming out on the balcony on the ceiling of the lobby. I'm thinkin' hey awesome, maybe I can figure out how to fucking get back down there for real now and I can just go through the front door. But where would we be if it just allowed people to do such things? I wouldn't be still in this place for one thing. So I take the elevator down because looking up at what's supposed to be the floor is making dizzy; the elevator doors open and I'm looking right out on that same fucking room again.

No blood this time, in fact there were a lot of things missing, as it appeared to be under construction. One thing that had been added was a pissed off foreman who accused me of trespassing, and then attempted to forcibly throw me out when I was only trying to make friendly conversation about his mother. Some people. I shot him in the face but he was undeterred and merely spat blood on me. Unsanitary and rude under any circumstances, but moreso when you apparently have acidic alien blood that has burned a hole in my fucking jacket and left me with a nice scar. I fled from the crazy construction worker, being that I don't really have any ways of killing people with corrosive blood, and very nearly fell to my death when I discovered that the door behind me now opened to the outside, somewhere around the 17th floor I think.

Luckily, it seems that the maze decided to cut me some slack for once, having left my pursuer behind somewhere hopefully far away. I ran around for another I-don't-know-how-much-time-but-I'd-reckon-an-hour-or-two, including a nice little stint there where I kept walking through a door and coming out back into the same room. Eventually, as you may guess since I mentioned it already and I'm just skipping over lots of really interesting shit, I came upon the room again. It was quite a wonderful feeling when I was distracted by the same stupid room showing up again and put my foot in Roulette's skull. God, now I've got his fucking brain juices all over my damn shoes. Getting tired of this crap. Getting tired of looking at these fucking bodies.

Oh yeah, the other one I kind of put there myself. That hot chick in the red outfit attacked me and I had to bash her brains out with the railing. It's truly very sad. I told you guys how hot she was, right? 'Tis not a total loss though, I did manage to find some interesting things in her pockets. A cell phone, some rock with that stupid symbol carved into it (the cross, not the other stupid one), a knife, $20, a broken flash drive, some bullets, leather straps, her sexy perfume, and some playing cards. In other words, it was a total loss. Stupid useless crap. I'm going through the numbers in the phone though, bound to find something in there maybe.

Shit, the shadows are moving again. Catch you motherfuckers later.

Keep it frosty.
son of a bitch

where'd all these dumb motherfuckers run off to? i know you're in here, Blackie m'boy, uncle riddles is perfectly capable of













































fuck, what happened to the lights?
that's just fucking cheating you bastard

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Hang my head, drown my fear; til' you all just disappear

Hey ladies and ugly people, how do?

I'm afraid I don't have much time. We still haven't heard from Legacy, but Roulette says that with the Dying Man obviously up to something here we should go ahead with the plan as soon as possible. I may not have really mentioned the plan before, which would be because I never really got to hear what it was exactly we were going to be doing. Legacy's been working it out since before he came and got me in Wyoming. He had an informant, you see, who'd been feeding him information about what he needed to do with the Book once he'd gotten it from me. A rather annoying informant who speaks in red text and all caps and who seems to think hacking my blog is a fun recreational activity. Well, he did, before he ended up all dead. Or something. Either way he's been quiet for a long time, so here's hoping.

That's how Legacy got all that information about the Book and OBLIVION, I guess? Don't know why the fucker would care about telling one of us all that, since he was apparently trying to get rid of the Boss, but whatever the fuck. We're going to the corporate office of Crazy Ass Shit Unlimited. For some of my newer readers, who may not recall my previous adventures with Iscariot, that would be the fucked up dimensionally bleeding building we ran into once or twice way back when. And OBLIVION mentioned it, I guess.

For everyone that wasn't too lazy to read through those, you can see that this is just going to be so fucking awesome. Just great. I love it, I really do.

Fucking stay frosty, motherfuckers.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

When your fears subside, and shadows still remain

Sorry about that y'all. Roulette's a bit of a motherfucker. What am I saying, he's a huge motherfucker. I can't apologize enough for leaving my blog in the hands of that douchebag. My hand has healed up nicely so I am once again able to be the one to keep y'all updated on all the awesome shit that's been goin' down around here. Fuck Roulette for breaking my hand too. I don't recall if he mentioned that to y'all, but it's true that he did. Fuckwhore.

So anyway, he did mention to y'all that we've got our own stalker here, nice distinguished older gentleman that we've seen hangin' around outside the place here and there. Before that we had a number of different folks who we'd see for maybe a day or so, and we'd never see the same person more than once or twice. None of them would ever get too close though, and if anyone tried to go out and start some shit with 'em they'd just up and disappear.

That does not seem to be the case any longer, however. Might have something to with the fact that Legacy's missing. A couple days ago he left to go take care of some business elsewhere, and we just haven't heard from him since. Well yesterday, our stalker buddy shows up again, but this time he's chillin' literally on our doorstep. Death's Head behaved in a less than hospitable manner towards this, said she was tired of seein' the fucker, and she was gonna put a stop to this shit. She goes outside with her big fucking knife and just starts filling the guy full a holes. Now most of us aren't crazy enough to get in her way when she starts gettin' all nuts, but Roulette seems to think he's the team leader or something while Legacy's gone, and he's either got some serious balls or I just gave him too much credit presenting him as the sane man around here. Because as soon as he found out what was going on, he heads out to try and stop her.

It didn't turn out too well. He tried to tranquilize her, but she only turned around and nearly took his bitch head off. Then the old man, somehow not dead, grabs her and tosses her through the window. Well, he tried to anyway, his arm kinda fell off and dropped her in the window. That was a bloody fucking mess. Roulette gets up and then goes back down, the old guy punched him back and he fell down the stairs, knocks his stupid head on the concrete and goes out like a light.

Well that just left me and old No-Name hangin' around, watchin' the action throug the broken window. He looks in at us and I see that his face is pretty fucked up. All scarred and shit, wrinkled and lookin' like some strips of flesh is missin'. He grins at us, revealing that most of his teeth are gone and the ones that ain't are black and rotten, just like his gums. He laughs, then walks out of view and we see the front door close. I walk over and check it out, and the fucker's just gone.

While I was busy contemplating about what kind of crazy fuck shows up looking like death, knocks out our dudes and then is nice enough to close the door before he goes, we hear some gunshots coming from the inner rooms. We go in, check that shit out, find Hansel and Gretel and a whole shit-ton of bullet holes all around. They was guarding the Book, which I check up on and see that all seems to be in order. Apparently the old guy walked in through the closet and... actually, they couldn't really agree on what happened after that. Cadence says he lunged at them and they just shot at him, but somehow the bullets were just missing him. And then he sliced both their heads off. Arpeggio says he just strolled in, the lights went out and then she was gettin' impaled on her own gun like she was the sheriff's daughter and Michael Myers came to call

Obviously neither of these can be correct, what with them both being not dead.

Or at least, we don't think so. We seem to have deduced the identity of our mysterious stalker. The Dying Gentleman. Like the Boss, only without a body, so he possesses folks. And then they die and shit. So not really like the Boss all that much really. It makes sense now why we kept seeing different people around, he kept using up his hosts. Though we're not sure why he was using this most recent one for so long, it seems he pretty well used that one all up. The disappearing act he kept pulling was just hopping through the City. That at least might've been obvious. It would've also seemed obvious that he was comin' for the Book, except that he had the damn thing right in his sight and decided not to grab it. We're... not altogether sure what to make of that.

There are new pages in the A̺̱͑̈́̃͂̂́r̵̯̠̮͙͎̯̗͑͊͒͐̂́͝ͅc͗ͣ̌͐ͯ̑ͥ̀ͧ͏͏̞̠̬̩h̴̤ͪͣͩͣ͘͞i̢̡̲̬͙̝͓̲̥̓ͫͅv̶̵̡͖͔̰͉ͬ̉ͭ̈́ȩ̮͕̯̽ͪ̐ now. Things I can actually read without whatever supernatural shit is in that thing getting all up inside my head. Not that it would matter, but it doesn't match with anything I read in it before. Der Ritter. The Guardians of the Bloody Prophet. 666. The Scarlet Knights. The Dying Man. The Beast. Exit Light. Black Leaves. The Aperture.
Roulette broke the fucking thing, I'm having trouble holding it together now. It only works so long as I can't remember. She's trying to break it down too. The Wooden Bitch. I've seen what she's sending through the TV. Couldn't get at us in person with the Master showing up every time she tries shit.
Legacy's a doomed man. He stayed with the delusion right up until the end, couldn't understand why his body wouldn't fit back together after the Red Man cut him in half. Maybe he was just a bit more gone than normal though, lying there in a puddle of his own blood as the darkness slowly came and devoured him. The twins fared somewhat better at least. Cadence never even got to see what took him out when one of the puppets came from behind and chopped off the top of his head. Arpeggio was with Madi at the very end; somehow they'd managed to crawl out of the explosion, but then the crows came and picked off what was left of their flesh. The Master stood by and watched as they expired. He didn't think much of the Scarlet Specter's devotion to her messiah, so he repaid her for the death of his minions with the death of hers.
A hundred corpses filled the town by the time it was all over. Bodies rendered limb from limb, bleeding and burnt, a last look of terror stuck on their fucking traitorous faces. I could hear their screams echo from out of hell. The streets ran red with blood.
Fuck, did I actually just say that?
No-Name received such a terribly dull end. A stray bullet caught him in the back and pierced his heart. Kind of ironic I suppose, since he'd been invested in carving out the heart of the Black Knight's accomplice when it hit. Roulette had been facing the Black Knight, but he really should've learned how to fight. Poison doesn't do so well against a gun. Or maybe it was that gaping hole that his intestines were hanging out of. That could've been what did him in. Sullivan... well he just got fucked in the end.
Is that how it went? Maybe I only read them in my head after all.
I should stop.

So that's been our week. How 'bout the rest of y'all, how are you fuckers? Keepin' it frosty I hope.

Monday, October 24, 2011

IHe really shouldn't have done that.
Roulette's a real motherfucker, ain't he? I apologize, I don't know what came over me. Lettin' that asswipe write on my blog, I musta been high. Actually, that's not an entirely improbable... thing that could've happened. I think the psychotic bitch has been slippin' shit into my drinks. She totally wants me. I'd be flattered normally, but with her there's a very likely possibility that I'd wake up in the morning and find myself dead. Dead Ridleys are the enemy. We don't like dead Ridleys.

All you violent, insane, proxy-killing runners can just shut the fuck up. Nobody likes you. That's how we're different. I have fans. You jelly.

But let's get into the meat of the story, shall we. The reason I'm here now. Legacy's missing. He went out to take care of some business a few days ago and nobody's seen him since. We've noticed that the guy stalking us has been coming closer since Legacy's been gone. Death's Head went psycho (well for her I guess that's really completely normal) and went out after him. This time he actually stuck around to fight her. Or rather, he stuck around to let her beat the shit outta him. She got real excited when he didn't react at all to getting stabbed in the chest. Thought that meant she'd get to fuck him up pretty bad before he finally bit it. And she proceeded to do so pretty well; but when he still didn't react at all to anything she did, she started gettin' pissed. Then he knocked her to the ground.

By this time, Roulette had gone out after her. He's appointed himself leader in Legacy's absence and said he couldn't let the bitch get out of control. Bit late for that, but alright. Roulette punches the guy, but gets thrown down like he was a dummy. I thought this shit had gone on too long and decided that a shot right between the eyes would serve as a nice finish to things. I would've done so too, but the dude looks up at me then and... well fuck, I just couldn't move. There was something with his eyes. They were just wrong, not human. His face was wrong too, though that could've just been the fact that he'd been stabbed there several dozen times. Except that he wasn't bleeding, least not that I could see. I heard the fucker laugh and then I wake up to find myself dead thrown unceremoniously up against the wall of Legacy's office where the rest of the folk were meeting about stuff.

We're going to have to alter the plan now. I think I know which one of these fuckers is sending off information to the Order. If I can just manage to gather enough energy to get out...

I caught the gist of it. The dude appeared inside the complex, outside the room where Legacy locked up the Book. Cadence and Arpeggio were on guard duty and saw him just walk in and then jump out the window before they could do anything. Oh, and there's just one other small matter. Really, not hardly worth mentioning. He's dead. Jumped out the window, it was the third floor, he went splat. Roulette checked over the body, because I guess being an ex-assassin somehow makes you a certified coroner, and he says the guy's been dead for at least a week. When I said he went splat, he really did. The body's already got a couple weeks worth of decaying done, and there's hardly a drop of blood left in it.

With these bits of solid evidence, we believe we now know the identity of our mysterious stalker friend. It's just lovely really how-