So I headed down to check in with the local bigwig like I said, right?
No sooner had I crossed the threshold into this den of iniquity but the fucker signals his flunkies to beat my ass to the ground. Considering I was outnumbered seven to one, I put up a righteous opposition, if I do say so myself. Sliced open one cocksucker's gut, and put out another's eyes. Nevertheless, the tide quickly turned against me and I was soon a captive of the foul mongrel.
Upon having attained my undivided attention, he proceeded to lay the facts on me. The bread and butter of the situation is that upstairs thinks I've gotten my ass too far involved in shit that they don't want to be fucking around with. They say I'm a "liability" and they had to get rid of me. As if. I mean, you guys have been following me this whole time, right? You can testify that never have I done anything that could possibly be a danger to noble and most honorable proxy bureaucracy. I've been a model agent, they just hatin'. It's all politics in this gig.
Well, maybe not all of it. Seems they forgot to consult with the Big Man about offing me. Right as the head honcho was about to punch my ticket, who should appear in our midst but the Slender Man himself. Those plebeians all start bowin' down to Him and shit, so what does Slendy do? Grabs their dickless leader and twists his fucking head off. Sweet shit. As you can well imagine, the rest of the crowd were eager to get out of there, and get out they did. Gave me one of His looks and then tossed my ass out a window. I was knocked unconscious when my head made the acquaintance of the pavement. I woke up just twenty minutes ago outside a truckstop in Idaho. You have no idea how much I love waking up in random states like this. Just fucking wonderful.
Oh, you son of a bitch, get your ass back here right the fuck