Wednesday, February 29, 2012

You can't always get what you want

Isn't that right, Dicky-boy?

Now follow the white rabbit.

I'm black of course, but you get the idea.

Stay frosty.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Tonight's the night we'll make history

As sure as dogs can fly.

Ladies and gentlemen, I do hope you'll forgive me. The truth is, I've not been completely honest with you, my loyal and awesome readers. Well, from a certain point of view that is. There are certain facts and happenings of which I've been aware for much of this time and just haven't told you all about. But I assure you, I had only the best intentions in mind by doing so. Stop looking at me funny like that, you know I love you guys. You're the best fans a crazy motherfucking gangsta in the employ of a faceless, well-dressed eldritch abomination could possibly ask for. I've done everything for you guys.

And I'll take any risk to tie back the hands of Time

At least, I think I did. I also did a lot of shit just because I felt like doin' shit, and who can say, really, what was done with which purpose in mind. Oh, and to fuck around with Doc. Not the German fucker that keeps pissing all over my blog with his shit (we'll come to him momentarily), I mean the hot one from that lame "Return to Slender" blog. But anyway, the German. The gist of the situation is that he, as you know, is a crazy Nazi witch doctor, about a hundred years old or so, largely mentally challenged, and somehow or other got into a little wager with the Boss. Did I mention he's an arrogant motherfucker? This goes waaaay back; back to when Archy was first recruited at least, as many of his first jobs involved fucking up Doc's plans to manipulate the plot.

And stay with you here tonight

Now as for the exact nature of this little wager and what exactly it is that they're trying to accomplish, I couldn't tell ya. I don't have a damn clue myself. Boss has always refused to go into detail and Doc likes to pretend I don't know nothing and that nothing is going on. His first assumption was in fact quite correct up until a few months ago. It was that damn BOOK that unlocked everything and threw it all into perspective for me. It all has to do with the Intent. Stories, ladies and gentlemen, that's what it's all about. Gotta keep shit real, gotta keep stuff happening, or the folks get bored and go off to read about that asshole that kills unicorns and whatever. Everything in this place is built on stories mine and yours, but mostly mine. Because I'm special, bitch, a special little snowflake. Ya'll so damn jelly. Suck it. People go on about good and evil, chaos and order, ham and cheese, and it's all just bullshit. 'Cause it's all just part of the stories.

So take your seats and don't be late, we need your spirits high

Nobody wants to read about some thirty something douchebag living in his mom's basement and spending all day jerking off to shitty 70's porn full of really ugly hairy women. Except for Spencer, he's the kind of guy I imagine does that himself and wouldn't mind seeing someone else do it. But anyway, the point I'm trying to get at is... umm... shit... My other half here seems to be cracking up a bit. Better for us, I'm the more entertaining half of the mind anyway, right? The point my forgetful and straightspeakin' brother was attempting to come close to without ever actually explaining satisfactorily, is essentially the revelation of shit monkeys how everything is connected. The Slender Man. Slender Bender likes him a good story. Why else do you think you all waste so much valuable time pouring your souls out to random strangers and psychopaths on the Interwebz? Herp derp, it should have been obvious. Slendy's just a really really harsh critic who likes to insert himself into the narrative. BOOM! All your questions have been answered. That was the sound of your minds exploding from sheer logic.

To turn on these theatre lights and brighten the darkest skies

So now that we've solved that riddle, I think it's high time that we get some other things resolved here. First and foremost, I'd like to push that we alpo8ewwafh the fuck is wrong with yourw8he k Apologies. As I was saying, I'm almost out of shampoo and there's a box of 7e8ropa jlmlz;kjv z

dsfo ;d 
dsf 'sdf 

bITCH FUCK 0ff11

That wasn't what I was trying to get at. But with my train of thought now off the rails and over the side of the bridge, let's move on. Now I can't say I expected anyone to be surprised by the revelation that Doc is the one behind everything. Except for the things that Slendy was behind. But you know what the best part of it all was? He thinks he actually had me fooled. Please. Oh, the mind games, they were great fun, don't get me wrong. And this whole labyrinth thing is a sweet deal, but honestly, it screams of 2011 plot device. Oh, and uh, the Boss already broke my mind once before, remember that? Yeah. See that's the thing with this whole split personality thing. Or are we really a split personality, I mean we're essentially the same, we just with different methods. Anyway, what I'm getting at here is, the breakdown? All an act. Mostly. Oh, you got in there a little bit, managed to plant some suggestions, but it seems the Boss was a couple dozen moves ahead of you this time.

And so my friends, we'll say good night,
For Time has claimed His prize,
But tonight can always last
As long as we keep alive
The mem'ries of paradise

The game's over Doc. So quit it with your petty fucking around and submit.

Excuse me sir, is there a bathroom here?

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

ur cru el device your blood like ice
oNe look cOuld kill my pain your Thrill

Boys and giRls, ladies and gentlemen, hellO

steaK would be dElicious thaNk you yes i'd luv Some

yOu know i Really should get some moRe posts up its reallY very nice TO get all my shit ijn orDer and I love yo uguyS youre greAt

this Place is just fantastic truly sPlendid just splendid yes idneed its splendid! you knOw that it Is elsewise you'd not be here would would you/ i thiNk noT it's realy jsut fantastic i love reading all the stories theat pepole rihhgt on ehre y'know becuase i'm so alone here
so very alone don't knwo how i got here becuase because eveythign just disappear and all ridlye's friends gone and YOU DOC youre my best feeind you know

Ridley be sure to take real good care a' you.

Stay frosty

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Only God could save you If you knew your way to the light

guyss I'm really sorry

I havnt been postin 'and shit latejly but you know there's just so mych
weird shit that's happening ad

that's not really an excuse, weird shit always happen
not a nything new bout thatand reallyu I jus don['t know guys Im really sorry 
really sorry you guys I lvoe you guys all the awesome times we've had together and

other me says that shit's going to get realkdsjvbxc.



Monday, February 13, 2012

never made it as a wise man, couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'

I don't know where I am right now.

I have a computer at least, fuck that shit dawg, ain't got nothin' on me bitch.

The twins are gone. I was still back at the hotel with them until sometime, I don't even remember something must've gone down. Maybe? Shit doesn't even know, the hell with that. Can't keep nothing straight- Legacy's dead, but that was him, wasn't it? Thought he was possessed, it should have used up his body by now though couldn't have been him. Why is It looking in here like that... It's one of them, whispering in my mind, Boss please just make it go away

Alejandro, good buddy, how you been? It's been a while since you were put back into the freezer. I know I know, you don't like me usin' that analogy or whatever the fuck bein' stupid about it. I know, you gotta get you shit back to the other side, piss in Jonas' cornflakes for me would you? Heh, you know it bro, take care of yourself.

Oh, well hey there punkin'! You been a good girl while daddy was away? My my, I have been away too long, you've gotten so big! Well I've missed you too, sweetie... Yeah, course I'll be stayin' for a while, the Boss understands I need some time off every now and then to see my best girl. You were gonna make a snowman? Well of course, I'd love to help you, just let me go talk to gran'ma a minute... She still mad at me? I'm not surprised; be just a moment...

Legacy... heh, funny. See, purple-texty isn't the only one that can figure shit out.

Stop looking at me you stupid fuck! Don't know what kind of game you're playing here, but it's fucking sick, I'll...
Is that so? Well then, let's just see how we manage with just a taste of 

I was wondering about you. They never did confirm that you were dead. I mean, I know you took that shot to the head, but I've seen people survive worse. Oh, you don't remember? You don't see the strings then... Oh, they're connecting all of us, even the ones what don't know about it. That's most of them. You need to be in a certain frame of mind to be able to see how it all fits, even I slip out of it from time to time. It's not exactly madness, but more the willingness to say fuck reality and just do it to it. Yeah, I know... I try to avoid getting into HIS way of thinking, I don't like knowing what's coming up. Never should have read that Book. Oh, her? Not a lot I can do. You forget, the Book told me a lot of things, I would let you in on the joke, but you won't even remember all this once we're finished. They're not going to leave you alone though. Just remember that, you will end up back in the Game one way or another, maybe not the same one I've been playing exactly, but you'll be in one of them. But while I'm here, I'm just curious: how did you end up with the journal and the disc...?


Strings? Maybe they didn't after all. What are you hiding, herr Doktor? You don't want me to know what's going on, but why? You know I have all the pieces, I just can't figure out how they fit together.

It's still outside watching and... Oh hi there Slender! Do something about the dead guy in the window will you? k thx bye

Saturday, February 11, 2012

I hear the angels calling... I see my demons falling

I know you're out there.

You think I ain't seen you around bro? I have indeed. But why exactly? I thought you just wanted the Book. Puppetslut's left us alone since we lost the damn thing. Why are you still around? Am I just so awesome that you can't stand to be separated from my greatness now? An understandable attitude, many previously have been similarly stricken. But it's time for you to go. We had our time together, you have to move on. 

You son of a bitch, I told you go! You ain't takin' me, fucker.  A̤̭̙̯̯̰̲̩ͧͧ̇ͮ̓̓i̫̩̘̖͑̊̽͐̚̕n͆̎͞͏͓̲̪͔'̡̢͖̬͔̝͈͓̆͊̀̚ͅt̴̢̟̲̾ ̨̜̜̭̮̫ͫͥͦ̿́ͫͨ̽͆͟t̨̙͌ͣͥ̓̔͢à̙͈͈̹̠̟̤̖͛͌ͥk̛ͤ̔̽͗̍̌ͦͣ҉͕͎̳͔͠i̾ͣ́͆ͮͥ͏̶͈͇̹̖̰͖͙͈̕n̬͍̋ͬͨ̐̓ͩ̅'̷͂҉̬̲̞̫̩̲͡ ̠͕͙̳̟̭͖ͮ́ͧ͆͐̓̊͒͐̕ͅm̛̟͇̺̜ͦ̓̑͆ͭͫ͡ę̮̱̩ͬͤ̉ͫ̂͊ͣ͑!̭̘͍̭̗͉͂ͨ̊̂̂̿͘  I'm not dying. Not fucking going anywhere. THis!? You thinik this is giong to kgil l me!?1 Think anything' s going donw ...?gfuyckj  sdtop it stop
it noiw 

nott talking to you anynoree 
get out of my head

get ou to f my head

Saturday, February 4, 2012

I said you, You think you own I took away, Made it my own


But the shit has hit the fan.


Shut up. Anyhow, Glorianna, my dear cousin, never did enjoy this sweet gig as much as I did. She kind of hated Iscariot, 'cause y'know <he was the one that got us into this whole thing right? Among some... other things. So I suppose it shouldn't have come3 as too much of a surprise that she tries to get back at the crazy old fart. Is it my fault? Should I have known that she was gonna kill him? Eh, could be. What evs.

So yeah, Archy-boy is dead. And just when I was gonna try and get some answers out of him, too. No, I was, totally. That hgetting drunk -passing out in the middle of town was just an afternoon thing, and then we was gonna ge7t down to business. I can't keep myself on a leash all the time you understand. Umm yes... regardless... Glorianna's dead too. Death's He3ad shot her right afterwards, so yeah. We've not been getting along too well of late. Hazendorf is alright with me (mostly) 'cause we used to be on the same squad a long time ago, but I'm sure shit's going to go down between him and Head 55sometime soon. And as for Doc, well, he stopped back in earlier today, didn't bat an eye at anything that's happened, and then left without seeming to have done anything.

Let's face it, we're crazy here. And it's only getting worse.

Methinks it's past time the Big Boss assigned us to do anything. Anything at all. We obviously shouldn't be left to our own devices for too long, or shit7 like this happens. Dear Lord, I'm actually asking for work. What has become of me?

I- I really don't know what to say here.

Don't need me to say nothin'. I'm perfectly well; that whole breakdown before? Merely the insanity setting in. It most definitely was not shock or anything like that, so keep the fuck out. Monkies. It's monkeys. Fuck me. I apologize for not brightening anyone's blogs up with sexy and enlightening comments recently. There's really no excuse, I'm just drunk and lazy. Stop that. Where once there was so much Ridley that it could not be contained in one awesome blog, but had to be spread all over the blagosphere, it now has become quite clear that u9pypnydifgvh; everything is fine I'm just a busy guy, absolutely nothing going on down here. What I mean to say is 89pasdffhvkubukasdf I have shti to do adn everyone needs to just deal not come aroudn here no more I just can't fucking keep up. I'm a badass motherfucker certainly, but Jegus, there are like a million of you assholes nowadays. Like, I thought there were a lot of you guys way back when I first started on here, but dayamm!!! You're like rabbits, just keep multiplyin'. Someone needs to get out the wooden spoon so that we can neuter the shit out of these kids always fuckin' around these people nowadays. Try coherence. Vastly overrated, I assure you. I prefer a more kill all the peoples of running! ???



I disgust me. Suck it up. All my peeps, keep the frostiness. Ignore that one.
Had an accident, did we Rids?

Friday, February 3, 2012

son of a B̌ͯ͒ͬ͑̐̑̌̚͏̝̥͙̣I̝̰̝̥̰̾̄ͫ͗ͅT̄ͫ́̊҉̭̤̰̹̜̬̜C̥̟͍̣͔̐͒̐̐̋ͤ̐̔H̵̨̩͔̱̃̆ͫ̍ͥͮͅ!̩̤̟̋̂͗ͧͮ͋͞!͆̆̋̀͆̾ͫ͏̟͚͇̯̜͖!̛̳̝̪̺̘͌ͧ͋̓͂̊̽̍́

g0ddam nit aNna what the  f̨͍̺̤̝̫̠͚͜u̴̡̪̩͢c̭͘x̠̼͍͕̀k̴̛͎̖̯͎̠̼̞̬  did youy tghinjk woou;d happen ? id yo ureally think that would jaccomplish anytbhing...

Fuckign shot him!1 and Now upstairs is gon ing to be all up and....

N)t taht it  even fucing....


Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I've been too long, I'm glad to be back

Greetings all.

You've missed me right? Tell me you've fucking missed me. 'Cause I've missed you guys, I really have. My frosty brothas, just hangin' up in this joint. And fuck have we had some good times, amiright?
Well, in truth, there's quite a few a ya'll that  I don't believe I recognize. Probably seen you around the blagosphere here and there, I'm sure, but fuck, nobody ever commented on this thing when I was around. Do you really like the other guy better? That makes a sad Ridley.

Of course, I haven't introduced myself to you yet. And I know he sure as fuck didn't. It's just fucking goof around and shoot things, all the fucking time with that bastard. I'm so ashamed of myself sometimes. Anyway, I'm Ridley, nice to meet you. For realz like. That other guy is Ridley too, but I'm the suave charming bastard, whereas he is the crazy psychotic bastard. I don't hold it against him though, I love myself as much as I love myself. You know how it is.

I just wanted to pop in to say a few things to ya'll. Firstly, this guy is back. You know him, you love him, you probably thought he was a gigantic douche. That's right, my old buddy Iscabibble Archy. Err, Coronado, as he calls himself now. He brought the crazy bitch as well, unfortunately. And the traitor bastard. But we finished him off right quickly we did.

Let me back up a bit. We was just sittin', chillin' mindin' our own business. When this guy in a big black coat and hood shows up, and I could tell he was up to no good. Didn't want him makin' trouble in my neighborhood. So I go over and start kickin' his ass. Or get Hazendorf to do it. He didn't do well. I figured I couldn't just let the bastard kill him, so I jumped in myself then. He revealed his identity then, as that asshat Sullivan who sold us all out to that retarded Redlight cult a few months back. So I stabbed in the face. Priest doesn't like the sovereign to be left alone, you know? He didn't take kindly to that gesture, and responded by attempting to break my nose, following up with a preemptive rebuttal to my abdomen with his foot. He then drew his own blade and stalked towards me ready to kill, all the time muttering about something stupid (I mean, I couldn't make it out, but what else would he be talking about?). Then his neck exploded. He collapsed to the ground, and I could see Archy and Death's Head standing some ways off, Head lowering her gun to shoot him again while he was down. And so she did. And Ed Sullivan was dead, and America mourned. The End.

The fuck am I talking about?

Archy's in pretty bad shape at the moment. We don't really know what exactly he's been doing for the last... half a year, and his new blog isn't giving us that many clues. Seems he was/is losing his mind. Bound to happen eventually, I s'pose.

Doc fucking just disappeared now. This shit's gone on long enough. It's time to figure out exactly just what the fuck has been going on all this time.

Stay frosty.