Saturday, January 21, 2012

Tangled abstract fallacy; random turmoil builds in me

I'm not really completely sure what's going on.

So Doc thinks I'm slacking off. Or hiding shit. Whatever, he can just go fuck himself because fuck him.

Now y'see, what had happened was, we go down to Salieri's to, y'know, kick some ass, take some names, maybe steal the bossman's membership card to the country club. They stopped letting me in there when they found out the guy who was letting us in had died a couple weeks back. And my game has been suffering for it, I really need to get back on the green and practice. But that is neither here nor there, let us get back on topic.

But anyway, I'll try to make this quick, since some people apparently are lazy and can't be bothered to read all of the oh-so-long posts that I make. Since we already found out that Salli was able to pinpoint where we opened the Path, and his muggle security systems where top-notch, we decided to take a different approach. We called back Doc. None of us knows where the hell he gets his voodoo powers from, and we figured nobody else would either. So we thought it'd be safe to send him in.

While in the course of breaking and entering, Doc managed to track down just exactly the information we needed. What intelligence we had managed to gather seemed to indicate that Salli had been putting a lot of time into a secret little pet project; even moreso since that first disaster. So that was what Doc went to check out. And a good thing he did too. Upon cracking into the records for the project Doc was astonished to find information of a most compromising nature. For our side!

In those files was contained forbidden knowledge of the most vile and disgusting sort imaginable. There were methods for evading and escaping the Big Man, including ways to sense when He was around and ways to hide oneself from His vision. It even held descriptions of certain mystical items and weapons which could be used to harm Him. All manner of horrible and appalling things. It was thought that all such information had been destroyed not long after the initial reports about the Big Man were leaked onto the web. There was an incident early you see, where one of the bloggers stumbled onto the information from a previous hunted who had stolen it from one of those stupid cults. Luckily, neither of them had really known how to properly use the information and they were taken care of and the blog passed off as a failed ARG attempt. 'Cause that was how we rolled back then.

This sick and perverted knowledge was of course quickly destroyed for good. It did prove useful, however, in providing us with the information we needed to bypass Salli's bypassing of the perception filter, turn it back on him, break in, kill his guards, and get into his office. He was not so pleased to see us just barge in on him like that. Now, our goal from the beginning had been to kill Salli. That was after all why Jonas hired us. Or so we thought. However, there was still one piece missing. It seems that Salli had actually gotten his hands on one of those mystical weapons I mentioned above. We had to get our hands on that as well, naturally, and for this end Doc brought Madi back. He had been training her the ways of bullshit Nazi voodoo bullshit and felt it was time to give her a chance to test her skills.

And Archy kind of insisted we bring her. Because he just calls up and gives us random orders sometimes, whatever. Of course, something got fucked up, the twins ended up shooting Salieri before Doc could get the information he wanted, and Madi, along with two of my boys from the old squad, were killed by guards. We managed to get the artifact and get out, but Doc wasn't too happy about Glorianna trying to get rid of him like she did. But it wasn't all bad. We got back the weapon and destroyed it. And because I asked Him very nicely, Slendy Bendy killed Jonas for me. You don't need to know why, just because you love me.

All things considered, I'd say it wasn't nearly so bad as Doc made it out to be. Legacy didn't even turn up like we'd half-expected him to do, and another day without being chased by death is a good one in my Book.

Did that go on too long? Tough shit.

Hey. Been a while ya'll. Fingers crossed folks, I just might be able to get out for a spell if I can time this right. Keep it frosty peeps.

Monday, January 16, 2012

You might be dead and gone

//\\bullet through the window and through Salieri's brain. Doc starts swearing in German, muttering about how he's gonna punish the twins for disobeying orders. Personally, I just figured we needed to call it a day and get the fuck out before//\\

Salieri: How the fuck did you people get in here? This place is supposed to be shielded! You shouldn't have been able to even find-

 : Yes, well. Life's a bitch, huh?

Ridley: Too bloody right. Okay Salli, what say we go ahead and-

Salieri: Oh, go fuck yourself Ridley!

Ridley: Now that was just rude and entirely uncalled for.

Salieri: Why the fuck are here? Working for Jonas again? I'd think even the fabled "Slender Man" would be unable to forget what that bastard tried to-

Ridley: All very interesting, Salli, but that ain't really what we're here for.

"What the fuck are you doing here? I thought I made it very clear that I - "

Salieri: So what? You want the Artifact, is that it? I won't give it up, I know what Jonas wants to use it for.

 : So do we.

Glory: Artifact?

Ridley: Oh you don't have to worry about Jonas. He's not gonna be hanging around for much longer. We was just wondering... If you figured out what it was for, how come you didn't use it?

Salieri: Heheh... And do what? Kill the monster? I'm not stupid, I read the journal that was with it. I kill the thing in suit, it creates a power vacuum, everything goes to hell. Well, even more than it is. Just like with Blackwelder. 

Glory: What the hell is he talking about?

 : How did you...

Ridley: Blackwelder?

Salieri: I'm sorry, I assumed you already knew.

Salieri tried to shoot himself, but Doc had managed to slip behind him and liberate him of his gun. There was a bit of an argument regarding the //\\ Glory just shoots Doc in the head when Hazendorf (who, sorry, I don't believe I've introduced you all to him quite yet) bursts in, his shirt stained with blood, and informs us that some men from Jonas' company had just arrived outside, and they'd killed Zeon. Naturally, everyone was now united in purpose and we all helped one another get the fuck out of there without any kind of bickering or anything like that at all. Because we tight like that.//\\Shit.

"NO! Get that fucking thing out of here! Are listening to me? Get it the fuck away - "

Glory: Just what the hell is going on here? What haven't you two told me?

 : This... isn't right. But it doesn't matter. We still have to kill you regardless.

Salieri: Oh really? If I might be allowed an answer myslef, I should like to inquire as to why you haven't already.

Glory: I'd actually like to know myself. And what is this artifact he mentioned? Is this why you brought that bitch?

Ridley: Hey!

 : I can't answer that. I was only doing what Alejandro asked me to.

Ridley: I don't really think this is the time or place to be discussing this. We're running out of time.

"The Doctor said he'd keep it away from me! Stop, no"

Salieri: Oh, this is too rich.

Glory: When exactly were we going to discuss this? Now we're taking orders from that asshole again, too? What exactly is it that we're doing here?

 : Well, you see- SHIT!

Glory: Oh my god!

Ridley: Son of a bitch! And I just had this jacket cleaned!

 : Dumme Kinder! I'll fucking whip those little bastards when we get back.

Ridley: Well, it's too late now. Let's just forget about Salli, and-

 : We still need the-

Ridley: What the fuck did you do?

Glory: We're not listening to him anymore. Let's fucking go!


 //\\and about a dozen of the mooks come in through the side, all guns a-blazin'. We managed to get out of their line of fire on the stairs luckily, but we also couldn't hit them without exposing ourselves. The twins showed up and started shooting at them from the roof. By that point we only had about three minutes or so left until _____ ___ showed up again, so we were cutting it pretty closely. So we were kind of relieved when Madi finally came up from the basement, and we could see that she had the artifact with her. All cool, we could get the fuck out, head home, be done with this shit and chillax.

Then Madi's head explodes.

One of the mercenaries wasn't quite dead yet and shot her in the face. Glory took him out, we retrieved the Artifact from the body, and skedaddled. //\\ So no, it wasn't exactly a clean job. But at the very least it got tied up. Mostly. I mean, we still don't know how Jonas had figured out that Salieri had the Artifact. Unless of course, he was lying about just "happening to stumble upon it." I'm not gonna judge, they're both dead.
Doc's gonna be so pissed that Glorianna shot him. 

Stay frosty.

I see Ridley's been neglecting you all. Only fair you have an idea of just how gottverdammte smoothly that job went.

//\\the last life of the night shall be fulfilled when the false knights are defeated and then shall we take our place as the rightful heirs to the great Oracle! Hail the Bloodless! Hail the Deathless! Hail Redlight!

Now if you'll excuse me, Ridley was correct. I am pissed. I'm going to go take out my anger on the source.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

You gotta fight for your right to party

Hey homies, merry fucking New Year to everybody. Sorry I ain't been around much recently, I know it must be hard to have to go so long without hearing my sexy voice through the monitor-text. But it seems that either the shit's hitting the fan or we're Just sitting back and watching paint dry, there is no in-between. What are you gonna do?

So it's 2012 now. End of the world's comin' and all the bullshit. Sweet, as long as it's awesome, I can get behind that. But anyway. I was invited to a New Year's Eve party hosted by what's his name, that Writer dude. I think. To be honest, it wasn't nearly as much fun as I had hoped. I learned something this weekend. Many of my coworkers are unpleasant people. Especially the new Morningstar, he's a real jackass. Much less classy than the original. Most of his squad too. That fucking clown especially is a real bitch. Not everybody was bad though. Nightscream was a great dude; together we got that party started right. And while I didn't have a chance to talk to 'em much, David and Rachael seemed to be thoroughly respectable folks.

Well, we might as well get on with what actually went down. I arrived a bit late, and as such there wasn't really much going on when I arrived. Can't have a party without the R-Man, you know. I think they just didn't know how to do shit right, it looked like tensions were high, but nobody was bleeding yet. So I decided to help get the ball rolling. After retrieving a bottle of the finest something-alcoholic-it-doesn't-really-matter from behind the bar, I went over and gave my good buddy Morningstar a hug. He looked like he needed one. Considering I was only trying to be nice, he was very rude and told me to go fuck myself with a chainsaw. Or something to that effect.

I decided to leave the asshole to his brooding and find somebody with whom I could have a decent chat without them getting their panties all in a bunch. I found a rather well-dressed fellow who turned out to be my good buddy Nightscream. He- err... she? It? was uh, very nice, very nice. A model Slendercorp employee, one whose behavior all should attempt to emulate. It was around here that Newstar started getting all pissy when Screamy (I really do need to think of something else to call 'em though) started making fun of how much of a pussified dick he is compared to his predecessor. Now this was what I had come to see, so naturally I made an attempt to help poke the bear. Also, David got tackled by a psychotic, tiny, Japanese schoolgirl. Or at least, that's what it looked like, so that's the story I'm going with.

Having finished my one bottle, I returned to the bar for another and took a seat. Morningstar then started getting all pissy about Rachael being invited to the party, complaining to that Joseph guy about it. Douche. I stole another bottle and sat next to Nightscream again. Valtiel and Joseph and Rachael were talking about something. I wasn't paying much attention to what exactly, but it was clear anyway that something was about to go down. Finally, damn. I began constructing an improvised incendiary device, you know, in case somebody needed a fire started. About here, Valtiel started burning Rachael and punched out Joseph's throat. Then David went over. Screamy thought it was time for shit to get interesting. I concurred.

Joseph and David (I think, maybe just one of them) did something weird to make Valtiel back off. Rachael pulled out a gun which she pointed at Newstar. Something weird happened and I'm really very confused as to what went down around this point. Nightscream disappeared somewhere, my incendiary device was gone (and sadly, didn't appear to have caught anything on fire), and I was fighting Gleeman. Fucking Joker-wannabe sprayed acid on me!! My trusty jacket blocked it of course, however this seems to have created a bit a er, problem. You see my jacket is very special. On the outside it may appear to be a simple leather jacket, but in reality, it is created with some of the same material as Tall Dark and Slender's suit. Or something similarly. Anyway, the bottom line is, my jacket possesses some odd dimensional features; the most useful of these being that the pockets are larger on the inside. Like a fucking TARDIS.

Anyway, I discovered that that shit really shouldn't be allowed to melt. It most especially won't be allowed to melt while you are still wearing it. Shit is now fused onto my arm it seems. It did not prevent me from winning my fight with Gleeman, however, as I successfully got a bullet or two in the fucker. He ignored them and continued fighting as if nothing had happened, but that is not the point. The point is, I fucking filled one of Newstar's minions full of holes! Mwhahahahahaha!!!1!1!!!1one!!!1

No, but I would've taken the fucker. If... something hadn't happened then that made all of our weapons disappear and shit. The barista did something. Or "Joseph" (I'm sorry, have I been doing that wrong all through here?). Didn't really catch it exactly, I was running at the time. Star's team wussed out then and left, as did Rachael. And really everyone that was still around was just going on about some shit or other, not really that interesting. So I decided to finish the night out with some light binge drinking. I awoke Monday morning on my mom's porch. Son of a bitch, that was certainly fun.

All in all, it was a damn good party. Though it could've been waaaay better. I'm going to suggest some improvements for next year. This year. Whatever.

So that's really it. Wanted to tell ya'll about the party, as I'm sure most of you out there didn't have time to party; what, with the Tall Guy being all on yo' asses and everything. But a happy new year to everyone. The Big Man is what brings us all together, and here's to many more joining our numbers in the new year. Cheers!

Stay frosty.