Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Huh. So this is the blog thing that Ridley was talking about.

Geez, there really are a lot of you people. I thought Ridley was exaggerating when he started talking about how many of the stalked keep blogs and crap. Seriously, you're being hunted by an eldritch abomination and the first thing you do is get on the computer and start blogging about it? That is not how a rational person acts. I mean, Ridley has an excuse, as he is neither being stalked nor is he a rational person. Of course, reading some of yours' stuff, that second bit might apply to you all as well. In which case, you really should seek professional help. This is why they have therapists and psychologists and all the other idiots who do that kind of useless work. Not that I haven't had some good laughs at the things in you guys' blogs. Because I have; most of them are really quite funny.

Though I can't believe people actually read this blog. Although I can think of why blogging about his stupid adventures would be beneficial to me. I do find his stories rather amusing, but my god is Ridley ever annoying. You all seriously have no idea. He never shuts up. I'm amazed that Legacy has not yet at least attempted to remove his tongue. We did break his hand though. That might be why it seems he's been gone for a while. I can't believed he hasn't just asked his little whore to write down his crazy ramblings for him though.

Oh, look at that. Ridley made nice little introductions of all of us. How nice. They're pretty accurate too. Legacy's a tool, the twins are creepy little brats, Death's Head is psychotic, Sullivan is a tool, No-Name is... depressing, and... Aww, isn't that nice? Calling me the only sane man, but I guess it's only true. In case you can't figure it out, (and considering most of you are running instead of doing something useful with the rest of your life, like becoming educated, I'd venture to say you might need the help) I am Roulette. I was an assassin, and I continue to be from time to time. Otherwise I just move around with these stooges and bemoan how uncivilized they are in their execution methods. Spilling blood is highly overrated, especially when there are far cleaner ways of killing.

But enough about me. Since Ridley was nice enough to introduce my team to you all, how about I talk about his team for a bit, hmm? I'm sure you all know them well enough at this point. First we have Ridley, who used to work for some crazy Mexican with a Victorian fashion sense (well, I guess I can't fault him for that; modern fashion is simply barbarian) who seems to be doing who knows what now. Ridley himself is also crazy, has a voice only somewhat less grating than Chris Tucker, and enjoys watching some absolutely atrocious movies. Like ones with Chris Tucker in them, or that were made after 1960. Modern cinema blows. As I understand it, Ridley worked in criminal enterprises before signing on with the Dapper Fellow.

Then we have Lucifer. He's dead now, so we don't really care about him.

Finally we have Madi. Used to be a runner, got caught up in some weird and convoluted shennanigans with the Mexican fellow before Ridley struck off on his own and dragged her along with him. He has to be doing her, there's no other reason for him to keep bringing her along and not kill her. So far I see no evidence that she has done anything other than become a puppet and try to steal what is rightfully the Master's. She creeps me out a bit, honestly. She either sits around just staring into space or acts far too normal to be hanging with proxies. The way she talks to us all, you'd think she was talking to the old lady next door and not a bunch of lunatics. Sorry, a bunch of lunatics and one awesome sort of ex-assassin. It's just unusual is all. There's also the way that that broken arm she came here with was completely healed after a couple days, and I think it had only been maybe two weeks since it happened. Eh, weird stuff, it happens.

One last note, because I realize this has gotten very long and I should rather not become insane like all of you, I notice that Ridley seems to have failed to mention that we have been being watched. Not those tools from Crusader either (we haven't seen them around since their grocery store blew up); at least I don't think that's who it is. It's just random people, watching. They walk off if we try to approach them, and always somehow manage to just disappear. In the last week it's been much more often, but it's actually been the same person several times, which hasn't happened before. Usually we only see them once, or maybe twice. That guy Ridley mentioned trying to break in before Crusader robbed us was one of them I think. I was the one on guard duty that night and from what I could see, it didn't look like how those lunatics tend to dress. Could have been trying to throw us off or something but...

You know what? I'm done now. I have actual work to be doing. Things that are productive and not running aimlessly all over the frickin' United States or just randomly killing idiots, unlike the rest of you. Not that killing idiots is not productive, I just do it in a manner more becoming of a proper gentleman. All of you suck. Good night.

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