Criminy. Ridley saw that I posted here. Now he's demanding that I write stuff for him until his stupid hand heals up. What a crybaby.

Oh for the love of... he's standing behind me right now pointing his gun at my head. He just smacked me on the back of the head with it. Methinks the man doth take this far too serious. I don't even know what he expects me to put down here, nothing particularly interesting has happened since I wrote yesterday. I have been reading through some more of these blogs in my free time. They tend to fall into one of two categories: drivel and rather amusing if atrociously-written comedy. Honestly, can't you folks convey any idea without dropping f-bombs ever other word? It's simply barbaric.

Yes Ridley, I am referring to you as well. No, I shall not be looking up lyrics for one of your idiotic rock and roll songs for the title. If it bothers you, well I just don't particularly care if it bothers you.

Alright, alright, I'll put that down. Quit screeching at me. That man that's been watching the hideout was back again. We noticed him rather easily today, seeing as he was the only person just standing out in the rain getting drenched. Legacy wanted to send the twins out after him, but Madi yelled at him for sending children out in the rain. I've never seen anyone yell at Legacy before; he seemed to be too shocked to think of anyway to respond to her. It didn't matter by that point anyway; following that little exchange we saw that the man had run off again. This is just becoming rather irritating at this point. We're the ones who watch and stalk people. Somebody trying to play that game with us, sooner or later they'll slip up and then they'll be a dead man. Sweet justice...

Ridley appears satisfied with this update. He's leaving now anyway, so I could just as easily delete all this. But then he'd only check on it later and then shoot me in the kneecap while I'm reading the paper. Or something ungentlemanly like that. What a douche.

--Roulette

'Cause I need to watch things die (not) from a distance

At last! It begins. The bodies hit the floor. And it is glorious! Mwhahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Now I did mention that Miss Shawe was a bit antisocial, didn't I? Well, it seems that was sort of Master's fault. But only a little. She was never really much of a people person, but she apparently did have a few friends which she then dropped when Master showed up. Probably to keep 'em safe or some stupid shit like that. Silly girl, thinking she can keep things hidden from Master and me. Why am I telling y'all this? Heh, as if you couldn't guess.

Come here, you naughty girl; you're such a tease

Poor little Becky. Such a sweet, caring young woman. She was very concerned about her friend's increasingly odd behaviour, even moreso when Miriam had started avoiding her all the time, stopped answering her phone. Well, she just had to find out what was wrong with her dear old friend and if Miriam wouldn't come to her, she'd just go to her. A mistake, ladies and gentlemen, that's what we call that. If she had stayed away like a good little stupid teenager, then maybe we wouldn't have gotten her. This soon.

So what had happened was, she's just walkin' along down the street, headin' to Miriam's house. Of course I was out stalkin' an' shit, and I recognized her. As I've said, I do my homework, I know who people are. And well, I just can't allow an opportunity such as this to pass me by, so I do what any good proxy would do in such a situation. I'm sure you all can figure it out, but I'll tell you anyway. I killed her. What, you thought I was gonna go into detail? Fine. I slit her throat. You want more? You sick, sick bastards, you oughtta be ashamed of yourselves.

After a brief detour through ways unseen by muggles, I and the body arrived on Miss Miriam's doorstep. Here, I proceeded to slice open the abdomen and toss a few of the organs into the hedges. Allowing ample amounts of blood spill onto the porch, I then propped her up against the door, so as to fall inside the house when the door was opened. I rang the doorbell before cutting out. Ah, the screams, I do so love the screams. They're almost musical.

I must admit to having never really enjoyed such flashy methods of execution and disposal. In my old line of work, one was more apt just leaving them in a ditch or a cheap motel room. Y'know, inconspicuous and whatnot. But I try to do what I can when I have the chance. Oh, and the effect was marvelous! Methinks she'll have a hard time ignoring us now. Hey, come out and play.

Oh, and Lucifer... Keep the fuck outta my shit, dawg. You and Oblivion both. Geez, I'm tired of seeing that ugly red text all over everything, making my sexy blog look all nasty.

Looks like I'll be leaving you there peeps, Madi's callin' me about something. Dammit woman, stop yelling at me! Jeezus...

Now to all my adoring fans out there, keep frosty. Sleep with one eye open. Gripping your pillow tight.
Maybe I should turn off the ipod for awhile?

I am the shadow, and the smoke in your eyes

So the stalking begins. Really it started about a week ago, but eh, details.

Basically, that is what we've been doing for the last week. Stalking. And let me tell ya, this girl really ain't that interesting. Fuck. Go to school, come home, do shit on computer, eat dinner, more computer, sleep... day after day after day AFTER FUCKING DAY!!! The monotony is killing me. And I have to say, it'd be pretty embarassing and just fucking stupid to die of boredom in this line of work. I mean, fuck! Even after we left her some cryptic messages scrawled on the wall of her bedroom, she barely reacted in any way. Sure, she's clearly getting more paranoid, but I was kind of hoping that would lead to interesting things happening. Y'know, like trying to run away. I have managed to learn that she has read a number of the blogs, so I was sort of looking forward to her copying all of you in doing the wrong things. But no, she's still trying to be in denial about 'ol Tall, Dark, and Skinny. Ahh well, I'll get to fix that soon enough, I guess.

In other, semi-related, matters, Madi is coming along quite well in her training. I was very pleased with how quickly she came to grasp the essence of the fine art of leaving bullshit cryptic messages. Making people do amusing and pointless things so we can laugh until it's time to kill 'em. As I said, it's not really working so well in this situation, but at least Madi has come to share in my frustration, and I can mess with her too. She's really rather a fast learner if she'd just apply herself. (What the fuck, did I really just say that? Jeezus.)

Shit, I'm so bored. I apologize, my peeps. There just ain't much for me to report in on. I'll be sure to have something for y'all next time though, I promise.  

Oh hey, there was an incident a couple days ago, I guess. In which I was approached by some strange people. Two strange people, to be precise. Crazy lookin' guys in rags n' shit. So these guys corner as I'm walking through town, vandalizing public property, y'know, just minding my own business and shit, and they... just stop and stare at me for a couple minutes. I mean honestly, that's what they fucking did. Backed me into a corner and then just stared at me. I was caught severely off-guard by such... odd-ness that I just kinda stood there dumbfounded for a little while before just slipping out and continuing on my way. I have absolutely no idea who these freaks were, but seriously, just... just what the hell, I don't even...

It's been a boring and yet interesting week.

...

I need to stab someone.

Anyway peeps, stay frosty. As usual. Fuck this shit. Fuck fuck fuck fuckety fuck.
wake the dead shake your head
sing it alice! mwhahahaha!!!

Hell and fire was spawned to be released

Oblivion, you bastard, who told you could jack around on my account while I was gone? But I suppose it can't be helped, my fans were no doubt starting to get a bit crazy from being without word of me for so long. I apologize, my peeps, I promise y'all it won't happen again.

So, I guess everybody knows about what went down in Indiana. Our little adventure at this collector-dude's place ending with me and Madi making a desperate escape through a door to an eldritch location. First time I've actually been in the Empty City myself, but lemme tell ya, it's really a rather nice place. I mean, maybe not for all the assholes that get stuck wandering around inside forever, but hey, they're probably the same dumbfucks that refuse to submit to Master, so what does their opinion matter anyway?

Perhaps I did get lost inside for a few days, but dammit, the City' big and difficult to navigate! Made it out before Oblivion hijacked the blog actually, but I haven't been able to get to a computer until now. Why is that, you may ask? Because we're now in  fucking Wyoming. That's right, the most sparsely populated of all the fifty states. There were more people in Indianapolis than there are in this whole damn state. But it's not just bad luck that brought me here. No, Master has a new job for me. A classic stalking position involving driving one of you out of your mind by use of whatever means I feel necessary. It's a sweet gig. I get to do whatever I want, just so long as I don't kill her.

A pretty little thing by the name of Miriam Shawe. Miss Shawe lives with her parents in a nice little house on the outskirts of the bustling a bustling metropolis that is home to somewhere in the neighborhood of 5000 people. She is 16 years old, attends the local high school, and, as far as I can tell, doesn't really have too many friends. Mostly I've just seen her sittin' on her ass and doin' shit on the internets, which let me tell ya isn't terribly interesting. 'Course, I can't imagine there's much else to do in a town this small besides get high or fuck in an alley, both of which are deviant activities and probably unhealthy, so it's not like one can blame her.

See, Uncle Ridley does his homework. We know she's seen the Master a couple times, but she refuses to acknowledge Him. I'm here to teach her the folly of ignoring your problems and hoping they just go away. Because we all know doing that only makes your problems worse. Then again, I suppose they were only going to get worse regardless.

Now I know what y'all're thinking. This girl sounds boring as hell and besides that, I'm in Wyoming. How can anything interesting possibly come of this? Well never fear my chillins because I have plans. Mostly involving that irritating little time-paradox girl that I've been forced to drag along with me these past couple weeks. She's been coming around to our way of thinking, we got her to kill one of those Crusader assholes and steal from that old magick collector. That's all well and good, but if she's gonna continue hanging around with my peoples, then we're gonna have to do better than that. And we shall do better.

On an unrelated note, I've noticed that Archy remains ever silent. Upon attempting to phone the Ark, I was informed that the number I had dialed was no longer in service blah blah blah. I haven't noticed him around the blogosphere in about a month now and the Master doesn't seem to be in the mood to tell me of anything going on. Therefore, I have deemed it acceptable that I make this MY account now. For reals like. At least until Archy does turn up and tell me otherwise. So hey, it says my name at the bottom of the post now. Ain't that fancy?

Stay frosty my chillins! Uncle Ridley loves you all.

What the Hell?

So I called Coronado up after seeing that last post over on Time Bleeds. I mean, weird shit happening to us ain't unusual but somehow this just don't seem right. He sounded very distracted and he kept talking to someone else over there. Sounded like he was talking to some little kid or something, I don't know. Archy's been in the biz for such a long time, I suppose it was inevitable he'd start to crack eventually. Things that mortal creatures ain't supposed to see an' all that shit, y'know.

Now back to me. Still stuck in goddamn Boston and it's getting tiring. So Imma have to flush out these fools soon and get them back on the run and into someplace that I can take them out. I do believe I have something worked out, we'll have to see. Master wouldn't like it if I caused too big a commotion, mustn't draw attention to ourselves. But whatever, Master's been angry with me before, that ain't nothing new. I mean, I can't help it if I'm just damn good at what I do. Most a the time anyway. I still want my rematch with that pussy Konaa, but I guess I probably should let my leg heal up case he tries to drop shit on me again. Bitch.

I'm gonna go check on some shit. I think I know how to get these runners exactly where I want them.
Cheerio, stay frosty, and all that other shit.

Whassup y'all?

Those damn runners are slippery bitches, I'll give 'em that.


So what happens is, I track these bastards down to a hotel a little bit outside of Who-the-fuck-cares, Massachusetts. Did I spell that right? Eh, who cares. Lucky I was to be able catch them just before they were about to leave too. Keep in mind we is in some crap little hicktown in the middle of fucking nowhere so it's not like there's exactly... well, people around. So that's lucky y'know since I would have to catch 'em in the parking lot before they could reach their car. I tackled the dude to the ground and just about managed to slice open his throat when the sister smacks me with a tire iron. My fault for not thinking that bitch would try something, but she's never done anything before. Fuck that bitch.


Dave gets up and reaches for his gun, but no-no, can't allow that can we? Did I mention that I'm an expert knife-thrower? Well I'm not, but I can at least chuck one at a person and make it stick in their arm. Enough of a distraction to allow me to get to my feet and rush this nigga for a tackle. That's right, I said nigga. Twice now. Sissy tries to hit me with that tire iron again but hell, ain't nobody gets ol' Ridley with the same trick twice. Grabbed that thing and twisted it out of her grip, beaned her bro with it. Would've worked lovely had not the bastard, while momentarily surprised, had by this time removed my knife from his shoulder and promptly stabbed me with it as I conked him. Dammit, puttin' that bloody knife into my arm, that's just rude and unsanitary. Bitch. At least I hit him I guess, but the sonuvabutch moved over enough that I only glanced the side of his head. I hope that welt hurts like hell for the next few days. Until I find you again, you bitch.


So asshole-Dave was briefly incapacitated, to a small degree, might as well go in for the kill. Waitaminutenow, last time I forgot about our dear little sis I got a tire iron to the skull. That shit hurts. So where the fuck did she disappear to now? Well, I'm lookin' all over and I ain't seein' a sign of her. Too bad bitch, looks like sissy has left you to die. A smart move, even though I should inevitably catch up to her again. Dammit, these cocksuckers really piss me off. I get my gun out right, I'm about to shoot this bastard. Wait, what's that noise? Oh shit. I really should have remembered the fucking car. Sissy tries to run me down and naturally I get the fuck out of the way because, y'know, I can't fight a goddamn car. Well that's just plain fightin' dirty as far as I'm concerned and I will NOT be had in such a manner. She's helping her bro into the car now, I have a clear shot, so I take it. Excellent. Hit her the shoulder, she gets knocked back into the vehicle, smacks her head on the side of the car. Now to take car of asshole. What's this? He's got his gun now? No matter, he's still dizzy can't shoot a damn... well fuck.


So I jump out of the way, ain't a damn thing to take cover behind cause, we're in the middle of fucking nowhere and they were the only people at the hotel. I run towards the building, shooting behind me as a go, and duck around the corner. I hear him pull her back into the car and speed off. Shit. That was quite a disgraceful display if I do say so myself. So I went around back and stole the owner's car to chase after 'em. I think I deserve the car more than the owner anyway; apparently doesn't hear any of this shit goin' down right outside, but does hear his car start. Then he comes outside, with a shotgun, and shoots at me. In his car. Good thing the old bastard was an absolutely terrible shot, I mean how do you just completely miss a big ol' SUV with a shotgun?


Well, at any rate I appear to have lost my targets for the moment. No matter I'm pretty sure I know where they're headin'. Boston's a big place though, I may have to actually put an effort into finding 'em this time. Dammit, I hate real work. Oh well, I've got me some friends in Boston to help out. And in the meantime, I think I know what to do while I wait.


Stay frosty y'all. We're always watching.

I return again, chillins

How y’all doin’ my chillins? Uncle Ridley is back again and of, what’s this? Uncle Ridley gots his own little blog thingie now? Why, golly gee, what WILL they think of next? And why am I making everything into a question?

I don’t know but maybe we can find out together. 

Now for all y’all still checkin’ up on Coronado over in the place where time is still bleeding apparently, you see that He Who Fears Contractions is still up in stuffy old Maine, which promises to be far less dangerous now that certain rogue elements have disappeared. And yet it seems that there shall be such fascinatingly FABULOUS happenings during my absence that I almost do wish I could be back there. Aw well, whatever...

Hopefully I’ll be able to return soon and pay my respects to our new Princess. She was too hot for that little nerd kid and his whiny little bitch of a brother anyways. I should probably bring her a gift of some kind---- I wonder what would be appropriate? Eh, fuck it, I’ll be on this job for a while, plenty of time to figure out something.

Now the reason I’ve got me own bloggetyblag now is quite simple. Because Sandro’s going to be doing his thing over there and Imma be doin’ my thing over here. See, simpel. I know, I know, gotta make sure all you nonenlighteneded runner/fighter/blasphemer/haunted/stalked/inserstdorkishnamehere can understand what I’m sayin’.  That’s really the most important thing here folks, cause ya see, I’m------ wait for it-----

ON THE ROAD AGAIN, BABY!

That’s right ladies and gents, for the first time in oh so very long, the Master is allowing me the return of my freedom. Well, mostly. Technically I’m supposed to be going after Archy’s little pets while he’s busy with the Princess up in Hicktown, Maine. So I’m doing that. Don’t mean I can’t have some fun along the way though, and I most certainly plan to live it up while I can.

Oh yeah, and Robbie-boy's just positively cuckoo, thinking he'd be able to steal my bike tires. Can you believe the nerve a this guy?

Until I feel like getting back to y'all again, y'all stay frosty. We're always watching. Even cuckoo-boy, random shit floating around is not inconspicuous.


Later, bitchez.